A Bachelor’s Guide to Cooking: Scrambled Eggs
By Trevor
An Explanation & Time to Come Clean
Well, well, well. It’s been a minute since I’ve written one of these all by myself. If you’ve been a reader of Mediocre Chef for a while you might remember an ancient blog post that I wrote called “A Bachelor’s Guide to Cooking”. It was written back in the early days of the Mediocre Chef and, for a variety of reasons, I was never super happy with how it turned out, and as the years moved on, I liked it less and less.
So, I made the decision to de-list the post from the website and decided that I would revisit it from a different, and better angle.
And then like a year passed and I am now, finally, getting around to re-writing the post.
So am I just slapping some lipstick on a pig? No. My loose plan is to turn this into a series of sorts where I go through various dishes that I would consider to be staples of bachelor life and give you the basic version, and then a version that’s a bit better and is more dressed up. Something that you could use to impress your parents, friends, or a partner.
So welcome (again) to A Bachelor’s Guide to Cooking
Scrambled Eggs & Toast
Alright, so we’re going to start this new series with an incredibly simple dish, one that should be easy to make, but so many people seem to miss the mark on.
Why scrambled eggs and toast?
Because the ingredients are basic, and it’s super easy to dress up the dish with very little extra effort.
When should I cook this dish?
Whenever you are feeling eggs? Or, you know, if you have a person who spent the night and you want to cook something for them.
Anything special that I’m going to need?
Aside from the ingredients, a good quality non-stick pan is going to do wonders for upping your scrambled egg game. A rubber or silicone spatula is also going to help out a lot.
Basic Version
Ingredients
4-6 eggs*
⅛ cup of milk
2 tbsp of butter
Salt
Pepper
2 slices of bread
*Generally speaking, I aim for around 2-3 eggs per person when making scrambled eggs. This recipe is assuming you’re making this for 2 people, so 4-6 eggs total. Add more eggs if you’re feeling super hungry.
The first step with any sort of egg dish is to crack all your eggs into a bowl.
Mediocre Tip: Hey, don’t crack your eggs on the edge of a bowl, edge of a pan, or with a knife. Why? If you do that, the sharp edge is pushing up into the egg. This increases the chances that bits of shell are going to get pushed up inside the shell as well. Which means you’re going to have to fish around trying to get tiny pieces of shell out. Instead, try cracking the egg on a flat surface, like your counter.
Why a bowl and not just directly into the pan? Because you’ll be able to whisk the eggs better in a bowl than a pan, and you’ll get a fluffier texture!
Speaking of whisking, time to whisk your eggs. If you know how to use a fork to whisk eggs, go for it, otherwise, bust out a whisk and get to whisking.
Once the yolks and the whites have been thoroughly combined, it’s time to add the milk.
This is the point where everyone is going to have a different opinion. Should you add milk? Don’t add milk, add heavy cream! Never use cream, only use crème fraîche, oh and only add it at the very end! There’s so much conflicting advice on what to do and not do that it’s hard to make sense of it.
Listen, if you have a strong opinion on what sort of additional fat, if any, should be used for scrambled eggs, then feel free to ignore the rest of this recipe and go with what you’re familiar with. Otherwise, add the milk and let’s move on.
Give the eggs a final whisk after the milk has been added, and take out your trusty nonstick pan. Take your butter and add it to the pan, then set the pan on a medium-low heat. The unfortunate thing about scrambled eggs is that you need to cook them slowly, so get yourself ready to stir, stir, stir.
Stir the eggs. Let them set for a bit. Stir the eggs. Let them set for a bit. Stir the eggs. Let them set for a bit. Etc etc etc. Make sure to add some salt and pepper for seasoning towards the end -- ideally when the eggs still have some liquid to them.
Once you’ve gotten to your preferred level of doneness (more on that below), take the eggs off the heat, plate them, and you’re done.
When are the scrambled eggs done?
By now I assume almost everyone has seen Gordon Ramsay’s perfect scrambled egg. The result of Gordon’s method is a scrambled egg that’s closer to a custard than to a traditional scrambled egg, which is what’s referred to as a soft scramble.
On the other end of the spectrum is what I’m going to call diner style scrambled eggs (aka a hard scramble). For me, both extremes of the spectrum gross me out. So what I tend to aim for, and what I recommend you do, is to aim for a medium scramble. How do you know that you’ve hit a medium scramble? When the curds have just set firm, take the pan off the heat. The eggs should hold their shape but not be burned. If you see browning, you’ve cooked them too long.
What should I put on my eggs?
Whatever your heart desires. Hot sauce, salsa, ketchup, avocado -- it’s entirely up to you. Just uh, do yourself a favour and check to make sure your condiments haven’t expired yet.
Upgraded Version
Ingredients
4-6 eggs*
⅛ cup of milk
2 tbsp of butter
Salt
Pepper
Chives
2 slices of bread
Bacon or prosciutto
*Generally speaking, I aim for around 2-3 eggs per person when making scrambled eggs. This recipe is assuming you’re making this for 2 people, so 4-6 eggs total. Add more eggs if you’re feeling super hungry.
Okay, we’re going to cook the eggs identically to the basic version. The only difference between the basic and the upgraded version is the inclusion of chives. Grab a bundle of them and give them a fine dice. Then, you can either add them to the eggs at the same time as the salt and pepper, or, you can add them afterwards when you plate them.
Another big difference here is the inclusion of some meat. Fry up some bacon or prosciutto to help elevate this simple recipe. Prosciutto cooks quickly, so be careful.
For the upgraded plating, I recommend a slice of thick toasted bread toasted, then a layer of bacon or prosciutto, and then finally the eggs and chives. Serve with coffee, tea, orange juice, or whatever else your heart desires.
Mediocre Tip: For extra points, toast your bread in the bacon or prosciutto fat. Or if you’re feeling extra, use the bacon/prosciutto fat instead of, or in addition to, the butter to cook your eggs in.
So that’s it. Scrambled eggs don’t have to be Gordon Ramsay levels of complicated, but they also don’t have to be hard, rubbery, and burnt. Get cooking.