Matty Matheson’s Lasagna From Munchies
In this post we’re reviewing Matty Matheson's "Guaranteed To Get You Laid" Lasagna, or as we like to call it: Matty Mattheson's Meaty Monstrosity.
The story of our attempt at this beast of a recipe begins back in October 2017. This was before we had the idea to create a blog cataloguing our culinary adventures, so forgive us, because we’re working only with our memories of this terrible, horrible, no good experience.
We started our day with not one, but two trips to two different markets here in the good old YEG. Our first stop was at the Italian Center to pick up the requisite lasagna noodles, onion, carrot, parsley, beef stock, tomato paste, and mozzarella cheese. After spending what seemed to be our entire monthly paycheck on three pounds of cheese, we headed to the downtown City Market to pick up the ground beef. This time only a meager four pounds of the stuff. After taking out a small loan to cover the cost of this meal, we proceeded back to Brittany’s apartment to create it.
Contrary to the tone of this blog post, the recipe was surprisingly easy to follow. We browned the beef, added the aromatics and spices, and finished with the stock. In Matty Matheson’s own words, we created a “meat sludge”.
Then came assembly time. As per directions we layered meat sauce, noodle, meat sauce, cheese — repeat until depleted. We snuck in a layer of parsley and set it in the oven to become the kind of lasagna that is guaranteed to get you laid.
When we took the lasagna out of the oven, it looked better than any lasagna seen in a Garfield comic. The cheese melted nicely (when you use 3 pounds of the stuff that’s kind of what you hope for), the layers were...layer-like, and the parsley really did help cut through the richness of the cheese and the meat sludge. (Although we don’t think Garfield put parsley on his lasagna.)
Our Mediocre Thoughts
👨🍳 Trevor: I’d like to start out by stating, for the record, that this lasagna did not do as described, i.e. it did not help me get laid in any sense, except in the sense that my GI tract got laid out by the amount of red chili flakes and cheese in this monstrosity. For real.
Matty, I love you. Your no-nonsense approach to cooking brings great joy to my life (and we’re both Canadian), but my god man. Way too many red pepper flakes. It was, in a word, overpowering. I could barely taste the beef (which is a good thing as I am not a huge fan of ground beef — the texture gives me the heebie-jeebies) and the carrot was barely perceptible. I suppose the onus was on us to season to taste, but damn man.
In my opinion it was, okay. Nothing to write home about really. And I will agree with Brittany’s review below — this lasagna was missing the tomatoey goodness that separates regular lasagna, from, well, mediocre lasagna.
👩🍳 Brittany: Me and Matty can agree on one thing — if you don’t like lasagna, you’re an idiot. (Or maybe you’re lactose intolerant or gluten free, but there are gluten free lasagna noodles now. Dairy free cheese sucks though.)
Unfortunately, me and Matty can’t be friends because he doesn’t like things too tomatoey. I fucking love tomatoes. He claims that if it’s too tomatoey it becomes soupy. You must be doing something wrong. I’m sorry Matty, tomatoey lasagna is delicious.
I was excited to try this super meaty, super cheesy lasagna, but as Trevor pointed out in his review above, HOLY SHIT IT WAS SPICY. After making this lasagna, I now think critically before adding spice, instead of blindly putting my trust in the recipe. Red chili flakes are a force to be reckoned with.
Our Final Review
Taste: 2 bags of flaming hot Cheetos out of 5 🌶️🌶️
Presentation: 2 soupy messes out of 5 🍽️🍽️
Affordability: 1 American healthcare system out of 5 💰
We have the hindsight now to think twice when a recipe says “3 tablespoons dried red chilies”. Unfortunately, we have to give this recipe a ⅖ for taste, because the only stand out flavour in this lasagna are the spicy red chili pepper flakes of death. We could barely taste the cheese. 😞
From a presentation perspective, it looks great when it comes out of the oven. Sprinkle some chopped parsley on that baby, and you got a lasagna that is going to get you laid (until you have to stop sexy times abruptly because you’re both too busy with toilet time). Getting the first piece of lasagna out is always an event, but damn, even our second and third pieces looked like a hot mess. (We’ll take the blame on that one, but we have to rate it how we see it.)
If you’re looking for a budget-friendly recipe, this is not for you. The price of the mozzarella cheese alone was $25. Oof. You might think that you’d save money by not having to buy ricotta cheese like many conventional lasagna recipes call for, but NOPE — that money is spent on mozzarella and an absurd amount of ground beef. If you’re looking for a cheesy, beefy, heart attack guaranteed to wreck your colon, this recipe is for you. With a few minor adjustments, this recipe could probably be tamed a bit, but until then we’d rather not have to resort to begging our parents for money just to make a lasagna. We can barely afford our avocados and kale as is. 🥑
Want to make this monstrosity of a lasagna? Follow along with Matty Matheson here: