Fruitcake: Love It or Hate It?
Fruitcake. You either love it, or you hate it (chances are you hate it).
“The worst gift in the world is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. ”
We aren’t big fans of fruitcake, so we wanted to see if we could make a fruitcake worth eating, or giving as a gift. We chose two recipes, baked two fruitcakes, and compared it to a standard fruitcake that you see in the store around Christmastime. Here are the results:
Store Bought Fruitcake
Before tasting our own, we wanted to try a store-bought fruitcake first. While not all store-bought fruitcakes are made equal, we only bought one because we’re on a budget and this post is not sponsored by a fruitcake company. (Missed opportunity, if you ask us.) Trevor picked up a fruitcake by Regency. As we’re not fruitcake experts, we’re not sure if that means something to anyone. (Is it a good brand? A bad brand? A just okay brand?) It’s from Mississauga, Ontario, so it’s probably only mostly seen in Canadian supermarkets.
But anyways, here it is:
👩🍳 Brittany: This fruitcake has red candied cherries that I grew up hating. Alongside the cherries were melon, raisins, and lemon and orange peel, along with a crap ton of sugar and other preservatives. It was pretty one note — sweet. There wasn’t the depth of flavour like with the Alton Brown recipe (rum, spices) and it felt super light (the exact opposite of the Mediterranean fruitcake recipe) — both discussed below. Was it worth the $9? Nah.
👨🍳 Trevor: You know when your mom tells you that if you don’t have anything nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything at all? This applies here.
🎁 Who to Gift This To: Someone you hate but you have to buy them something.
Middle Eastern Fruitcake
We decided (and when we say we decided, what that really means is that Trevor decided) to try a non-traditional fruitcake recipe for this post. The reasoning was that traditional fruitcake can get a little bland and boring, so why not try something that’s a little different? We found this recipe and decided to use it. The results were a little bit… underwhelming.
The main problem with this recipe is that the ingredient quantities are off — like way off. We followed the recipe exactly (minus the rosewater and substituting granulated sugar for powdered sugar) and the result was less of a cake and more of a fruit and nut bar — the kind you’d eat while out on a hike. The recipe could have definitely used with either more batter, or less fruit and nuts. The taste wasn’t bad — in fact, the combination of dried fruits, lemon zest, pistachios, and hazelnuts was really quite pleasant and the nuts also had a bonus effect of giving the fruitcake a bit of a nice crunch.
Because there wasn’t much cake batter, and because the recipe doesn’t require you to soak the fruit beforehand, the end result is a very dry, very dense cake-bar thing. Adding more batter, or taking out some fruit and nuts, or even soaking the fruit would probably solve the problem of moistness and density.
👨🍳 Trevor: I was actually really excited to try a non-traditional fruitcake recipe, because (spoiler alert) I am not a fan of traditional fruitcake. I fought for this recipe and when it didn’t turn out the way it should have I was a little choked. Like we said above, you could easily fix the problems, but I have to wonder what the hell the recipe author was thinking when writing it. Measuring fruits and nuts by weight, but then switching to volume for flour, baking powder, and salt? Putting waaaay too much fruit for the amount of cake batter? All around confusing. Also, don’t @ me with that “bUt tHiS iS a cHrIsTmAs fOoD, tReVoR, wHy aRe yOu mAkInG iT miDDle eAsTeRn? jUsT lEt cHrIsTmAs bE cHrIsTmAs!” Because Jesus was born in Nazareth, which is in modern day Israel. So this is about as traditional as you can get — checkmate.
👩🍳 Brittany: Is this a cake? Not really. It’s dense AF. It’s more similar to a granola bar, without the granola. I enjoyed the pistachios and hazelnuts in this recipe, so it has that going for it. But when it takes a grown-ass, 245 pound man to cut this fruitcake — you know it’s dense. Very dense. So, so, so dense. Like please-just-give-me-a-little-piece dense. The dried fruit on top of this one definitely gives it a nice presentation, but I’d rather fill up on butter tarts than eat this brick of fruit and nuts.
🎁 Who to Gift This To: That one person you know who is really into fitness and hiking.
Alton Brown’s Fruitcake
While researching fruitcake recipes, we came across this recipe by Alton Brown. Alton Brown is the creator and host of the show Good Eats, so we figured he could be trustworthy enough to produce a stellar fruitcake recipe. We followed the recipe as close as we could, even following his candied ginger recipe to make the required candied ginger for the fruitcake.
The two places where we went astray were using allspice and cloves that were pre-ground, as we already had ground cloves and didn’t see allspice berries that weren’t already ground while shopping. We also used natural seedless raisins instead of golden raisins, as Brittany’s fiancé said they had golden raisins at home. But alas, they did not. The golden raisins would have given the bread a bit more sweetness and colour contrast among the other required dried fruit (cranberries, blueberries, and cherries), but overall we feel like this didn’t negatively impact our fruitcake.
This recipe taught us that fruitcake is a labour of love — there are a lot of steps, and it’s not something you can just “whip up in a jiff”. First you have to let your fruit soak overnight in rum. You can do it the fast way (microwaving it to re-hydrate the fruit), but since we bought groceries in the evening and weren’t making our fruitcake until the next day, soaking the fruit overnight worked. Then you have to boil and simmer your fruit in apple juice, butter, and spices, let it cool, and sift the dry ingredients into the sticky fruit mixture. Then finally incorporate your eggs and pecans… and then bake it in the oven for one hour. Oh, and if you couldn’t find candied ginger like us, you’ll have to make that beforehand too which takes about an hour. It’s a lot of work!
It’s also expensive — between all of the dried fruit and a full cup of rum, this recipe isn’t exactly cheap. We spent $23 on dried fruit alone for this recipe. We also had to buy a bottle of gold rum because we didn’t have any, but we didn’t mind that. Gold rum is a good choice for fruitcake — it isn’t too strong (like a dark or spiced rum) — it’s a nice complex flavour that allows the other flavours (fruit, spices) to come through and not overpower the fruitcake.
So, was it worth it?
👩🍳 Brittany: I like expensive desserts, but I’m not sure that I’ll ever be excited to spend money making a fruitcake — there are just better things that can be made for the same budget. I’d rather spend my money on high-quality chocolate to make a dessert instead. However, I was pretty proud of how this turned out. It tastes good, is moist, has complex flavours, and isn’t a complete letdown. Good job, Alton Brown — I knew you wouldn’t lead us astray. The one thing I’d improve is the presentation — I like how the Middle Eastern fruitcake had fruit on top to brighten it up. But if you do that, you can’t brush the top with brandy as time goes on so it doesn’t dry out. Despite its brown and bland appearance, I give this fruitcake a thumbs up. (I think my Mom will enjoy the leftovers.)
👨🍳 Trevor: Of all the traditional fruitcakes that I’ve ever eaten, I would say that this one is the best. The flavour isn’t just one note, and the dried berries add a bit of tartness to balance out the sweetness. No one is ever going to be able to convince me that fruitcake is amazing, but I wouldn’t hate eating this recipe every once in a while.
🎁 Who to Gift This To: Your Mom or one friend that likes fruitcake.
So, can you make fruitcake not suck? We’d like to say yes. Although, it’s going to cost you a lot to make a good fruitcake — unless you’re already stocked up on rum and dried fruit.
If you hate fruitcake, you’re still probably not going to seek it out. Similar to our fish post, where the conclusion was that we still aren’t huge fish fans but at least now know how to make it palatable, the Alton Brown recipe definitely makes fruitcake palatable and somewhat enjoyable, but we still aren’t huge fans. Even though it’s a good recipe, if you’re not a huge fan of dense cake with fruit in it, you probably won’t choose to make it every year. If you were on the fence about fruitcake or already love fruitcake, you’ll definitely like his recipe.
But the only way to know for sure is to try it yourself — if you aren’t completely broke after Christmas shopping, make one! Also, fruitcake recipes aren’t the Bible. You can take one and alter it to your tastes — don’t like apricots? Don’t use them. Love glace cherries? You do you, boo. There are a ton of variations out there and we only baked two. Experiment!
We wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Mediocre Chef will be back in 2020 with more food-based shenanigans. 🎄
-Brittany & Trevor